#12: In Class Sonnet Exercise (Critical)

This week in class we did an exercise with sonnets in which we had to write the first line then pass it to the person sitting next to us and they had to keep it going. I really enjoyed this exercise even though it was really challenging. At first when I was writing the lines for others people's sonnets I was trying to be concise with the syllable count but towards the end I starting writing whatever kind of made sense with the one line that was visible to me. I had a really hard time coming up with a first line for my own because I wanted it to be strong. I don't know if what I did end up coming up with was a good jumping off point but what the class produced was actually pretty good. Even though the original product had a lot of strong points I ended up revising quite a bit in order to make the poem a lot more cohesive. I'm pretty sure the syllable count isn't dead on but nonetheless it is 14 lines so here is the final version of it:

(Insert Title Here)

Nothing ever hurt quite as much as you
That day, that season, you walked out my door
You took your belongings, even the small alarm clock.
Left nothing for me to continue ‘playing’ house
Now I work tirelessly on my hands and knees
scrubbing a dirty floor that will never come clean.
There’s nasty soap water I forget to throw out
like the memories of us all over the house.
Pain still comes in the silent kisses
I give the children before bedtime.
Pain like balloons leftover from all the
birthdays you’ve missed.
This is what I remind myself of as I sleep
in the middle of the bed we once shared.


As you can see I couldn't really come up with a title that I liked so I'm open to any and all suggestions.